Cookies for Kids’ Cancer Blog

Liam’s Birthday

Filed under: childhood cancer research — The Good Cookies @ 12:04 pm May 13, 2018

Once again, Liam’s birthday and Mother’s Day fall on the same day.

It always leaves me in a state of confusion when it happens and I never quite know how or what to feel. Liam is the child who made me a mommy. He inducted me into the glory of motherhood. From the instant I laid eyes on him, I knew that being a mother would be the most important thing I would do in my lifetime. Period. Full stop. And after he was diagnosed and our world turned upside down, the instinct to protect him kicked into hyper overdrive.

It was four years of living with sheer adrenaline and all senses on full alert. At some point I realized that Liam and I had spent so much time together that we had moved past the need to use words. All we had to do was look at each other to know what the other was thinking or feeling.

But being that close meant I had to be very careful to not let him see the vice grip of fear squeezing my heart. It was a constant struggle to remain calm in the midst of sheer terror. Protecting him through that odyssey also meant protecting his innocence so that he could have the space to be a child.

I did everything I could possibly think of to try to protect that innocence, as ridiculous as that sounds. I have to think it’s the reason he had the audacity as a stage 4 Cancer Patient to slalom on a bright orange scooter through the hospital corridors.

Today, as Ella charts new territory I should have gone through with Liam first, I can’t help but still feel incredibly blessed to have such an amazing child who is the only thing that can soothe my broken heart. Watching her grow up is something I never take for granted. And having her love me is such a powerful medicine. Life is a gift. 

– Gretchen Witt

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